i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
