Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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