So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
