No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
