My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
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that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
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You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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