dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
