I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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