I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
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