the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
