I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
