man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
