I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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