Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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