so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
