im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
tell me about the eggs
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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