just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
