i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
