I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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