when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
