doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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