wrigley field is MILF paradise
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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