She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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