he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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