I feel like abortions should bother me more
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
