when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
