Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
