the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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