At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
jump out the window naked night went bad
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
