You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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