Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
