I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
