we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Pants are for mortals
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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