I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
