The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
