My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
