i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Randomize
