lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
