Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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