Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
