My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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