a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
do herpes really smell.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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