I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
