i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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