There was a lot of him and a little penis
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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