Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
