A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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