you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
