dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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