Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
