Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
