I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
