i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
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I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
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You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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