K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
