Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
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I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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