Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
