my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
