Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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