i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
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while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
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You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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