Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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