i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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