How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i already hear my dad disowning me
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize