I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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